Thanks for popping in.
Friday’s blog a private peak, right?
Today something popped into my head which I haven’t thought of for years.
Please allow me to explain…
Many years ago, I embarked on a course of study which involved TA. No, not the Territorial Army. Transactional Analysis.
Very interesting psychology theory.
My marriage had fallen apart, I had come back to England from the States with two little kids, and was trying to figure out who I was, what had happened, and my part in the breakdown.
Well, part of the course involved learning about games that people play. In fact, there’s a great little book by Eric Berne called just that: “Games People Play”
NIGYSOB is one that is played a lot.
It stands for Now I’ve Got You, you Son of a Bitch.
You know, when somebody baits you, provokes you, goads you, wants to get a reaction out of you.
You keep your distance, you keep your mouth shut, you don’t buy into it. Or: you react.
And the minute you react, or bite, as my Dad would say,
they’ve got you on the hook – like a fish.
In their minds they have won.
That is precisely where they get their kicks, their empowerment.
Hence the name NIGYSOB.
The SOB’s a bit strong, I know, but you get the idea.
I inadvertently got caught up in it yesterday, quite innocently.
But suddenly I was on the hook.
And the only way to escape at that point is to detach, walk away, step away from the situation.
AND DON’T GO BACK FOR MORE !!!
If there are any psychoanalists reading this blog, please forgive the layterms and the simple thinking, but I like it that way; it clarifies things for me.
By the time we are 5 or 6 years old, the theory is that we already have a firm belief of who we are and how the world perceives us.
Let’s take R. She thinks she is a pain in the backside and that nobody likes her. She has felt this to be true since she was a little girl. She will go through life putting herself in situations to reaffirm that. She will upset people, not intentionally or consciously – this runs much much deeper than that – but she will, and they will either abandon her, leave her or avoid her.
Now here’s the rub: every time it happens, she will think to herself,
“See? I told you! I told you nobody loves you!”
And her core belief about herself gets further entrenched.
Anyway. Enough of that.
Yesterday somebody wanted to pay NIGYSOB, and I bit.
Not for long mind! I was off that hook within minutes, as soon as I recognised the game. But I wanted to share the little I know about NIGYSOB, because it may be helpful to you. It certainly is to me.
Love & Hugs,
PS If your name begins with R, don’t get paranoid on me!
It’s just a random letter I picked.