Dark over Will’s Mum‘s house…

Dark over Will’s Mum‘s house…

Hi there

Thanks for popping in. We drove down to Rye Harbour for a seaside walk early this morning, to blow away the cobwebs. Well, it certainly did that! Nearly blew us away too! But it was good to breathe in some fresh air, and see something other than our four walls – even though the cloud formations were anything but white and fluffy! Check this out…

Bit dark over Will’s Mum’s house, or what?!? Plenty of people had the same idea as us. There were lots of little kids on bikes, folks walking their dogs, people pushing people in wheelchairs – it was good to be part of something else.

Then we took the scenic road home, and just enjoyed the beautiful Kent and Sussex countryside. Beauty at every turn…Picture postcard pretty…

No neighbours, and ample parking…

St Thomas Becket church here, at Fairfield. Fascinating. 12th century. Look it up if you fancy an education. Apparently, legend has it that Thomas a Becket, the Archbishop of Canterbury (yes, the very same Thomas a Becket who was killed at Canterbury Cathedral by the King’s men – Henry II).. anyway, Thomas was journeying across the Romney Marshes when he fell into one of the many ditches. He prayed to St Thomas for help, and a passing farmer saved him. So the Archbishop had the church built by way of gratitude. Built ca 1162. Thomas Becket was murdered in 1170. So his card was certainly marked! Living in the Dark Ages was no picnic, I bet! But so much history beneath our feet today! Made you feel, not insignificant, but certainly more like a grain of sand on a vast beach.

We had been expecting flooding, but saw nothing actually, which surprised us as we were in an area called The Romney Marshes, much of which is below sea level ! But it was perfect, driving through Peasmarsh (Paul McCartney lives there) and Appledore, enjoying the quietude, grazing sheep, stunning Wealden cottages, medieval churches standing isolated. Saw a whole flock of swans grazing in a field of rapeseed too. It was so interesting!

You just have to put your phone away, keep your eyes on what’s in front of you, and stop talking about anything other than what you’re looking at, and you suddenly enter into a whole new world – the one in front of you! I feel like I’ve had a holiday!

Just what the doctor ordered. A year ago to the weekend, my brother Steve and I were camping out in Dad’s bedroom, listening to Billy Holiday endlessly with him, and watching him slip away. I only tell you this today, because now I can say, hand on heart, that a year on, it’s better. At the time of his departure, I felt I would break; the pain and sadness were too much to bear. Now, a year on, it is ok. Not gone, never gone. But ok. Unless of course, I travel back in my mind to the days he was dying, or the weeks before, when he was so desperately unwell. Then I am gripped all over again by overwhelming grief and fear. So I don’t. I try not to go back to that oh so sad time. If I think about Dad, I try to leapfrog over the last part, and remember the better days. I am surprised how much control I actually have over where I can direct my thoughts. They sneak up on me and catch me in the throat sometimes, before I even realise where my head is taking me. But I can block and redirect so quickly now – and I’m getting better at it too.

The reason I am talking about this memory to you is because I know so many of you are also going through loss too right now. Not a year ago; a month or two ago. Or last week even. I know, I really know how you are feeling. And all I can say is that it will get easier. Just travel gently, take good care of yourself, and give Time time.

I reminded Dave of the time we walked the same walk at Rye harbour with Dad years ago. We had such a laugh, fooling around with photos…

We stayed at the Mermaid Inn, Rye.

Good times. Happy times in Rye. Yes. A lot of people weren’t lucky like us, to have a Dad like our Dad. And he was around for a long time too.

Time to stop.

Quote for today? Actually, the poem by William Blake came to mind today, and we recited it whilst driving across the marshes..

click here

See you on Create & Craft TV tomorrow. 3-5pm.

Love always

Barb xxx

27 thoughts on “Dark over Will’s Mum‘s house…

  1. The love and the memories remain – and it’s helpful that you remind us that we can choose which memories we focus on.

    I’m off to see my mum and dad next week. Their frailty and failing health and mind is so hard to witness, but we will make some new good memories I hope, just in the small present moments x

  2. My husband died in the middle of February last year. Most of the time I cope although I am dreading his anniversary. I am lucky with a good family and friends to support me.

  3. I too am off to Mum and Dads week after next, am looking forward to visiting family and getting a cuddle with the latest chubby little man. Making precious memories with my parents, you just never know whats round the corner. I will meet with my bestie too who also lost her dad just before Christmas, she needs a hug and I need to be in her company to offer my support, it’s so hard to do so far away.
    I’m glad you’ve got out to enjoy some fresh air and nature Barb, especially working tomorrow, you need some rest and relaxation.
    Rye is beautiful, I have fond memories of rye.
    looking forward to the shows, safe journey and I’ll be there watching.
    lots of love.xx

  4. Loved your blog today. Sat with my dad for 6 weeks watching him slip away . That was February 2017 so like you I don’t hurt so much but it’s never gone and I try to remember the happy times . Even in that last few weeks there were happy moments which I can smile about . He had a good long life and was 94 . He was Polish and came here during the war . He was classed as an “ alien” ! Can you believe that! Mums been gone 48 years this month . She was only 49 so missed out on so much of our family growing . Sorry I’m rambling now ! They all live in our hearts ♥️ ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

  5. You are giving me hope.
    Just now I am sitting next to my Dad in his hospital bed, just waiting for the time……
    Thankful for the amazing NHS staff who have made him, and us comfortable.

  6. my mum died in 2019. now and then the memory of her being taken to the hospital smacks me around the head, grips my throat and a memory escapes my eyes as the last thing she said to me was, ‘please don’t make me go. I’ll be good……… had I had a way to care for her I would have, but the hospital was, supposed to be, the best pace for her (sadly that was untrue)

  7. I lost my Mum a year last October. I know what you mean about remembering the happy times. I also use your technique about the water flowing and that has helped me so much when I am overwhelmed with grief.

  8. Hi Barbara
    Thinking of you all and sending a big hug. I know exactly what you mean, you are doing so well but those moments just catch you don’t they. Lovey photos and memories, they stay with you forever. What a beautiful church, we need to explore that area more.
    Love Diane xx

  9. Love the area and lucky enough to live not too far away. Husband and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary in Peasmarsh and Rye in December 2022.
    I think I said before the grief of loss does change over time – happy memories of the good times override the sadness of the last days. Remembering them the way they would want to be remembered, I believe.

  10. Thinking of you all who have lost people close to them – things do ease with time but memories last forever.
    We caught the train to Rye from Barming station the year before last when we were down for the Open Days. Found the fish market & the NT property Lamb House, love all the little streets.
    Tomorrow looks as if it will be a great start to a year of crafting in 2024.
    Safe travels tomorrow xx

  11. So kind of you to think of others too whilst dealing with your own feelings at this time. I lost my Dad in January 2013 so I understand when you say that you learn to direct your thoughts to avoid the sadness. I always said that the tears eventually get replaced with smiles as the good times come to mind. That’s why making memories is so important. You graciously shared many in the SHAC and we laughed and cried with you. Sounds like you had a great day in Rye making more.

    I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s show and your great demos.

  12. Thank you for your post today, loosing good parents is so hard but they gave so much to us and they have shaped the people we are. Keep on loving, giving and remembering because it’s what life is about xxx

  13. Hi Barbara
    I lost Mum 18 months ago and it still hurts to think of her last days, but like you i pass over those and remember the good days and there were plenty of those. This Christmas we went away and treated ourselves we thought we would take something to remind us of Mum so we hung her favourite Snowman on the door of our hotel room. On the day of departure we went to take it down and someone had put a knitted Christmas pud with a ferreo Roche inside on the end of his nose it did make us smile 😊.
    We live on the Somerset Levels so we are renaming the town Langport on sea. Fortunately we are not flooded but plenty of friends are suffering.
    All our love
    Ruth and Jackie xx

  14. We lost father-in-law 24 years ago today, easy to remember as that was the start of our Millennium. Mother in law since then and my Dad after that not so many years ago but enough to make it easier now. Gone but remembered and talked about every day and the latter most days. My Mum is now happily settled in a home only a month or two but she’s good. Time is a healer, not a complete one but enough to make it bearable. X

  15. Thank you for today’s blog, Barb. You are so right- with time it does get easier. Reading your blog and all the many replies from Clarity friends over the last two years has really helped. And now my family are making new memories with the two young brothers my daughter and her wife have adopted – lots of new experiences, activities, love and laughter.
    When a young Canadian, I visited Rye and the south coast with my Mum in 1967. I fell in love with England and a couple of years later an Englishman. We were together 50 years.
    Stay safe and keep crafting all. Looking forward to tomorrow’s show. Susan x

  16. Made me smile to read your wonderful memories. It is a good sign when you start remembering the good times. Not, that you,re forgetting the sad ones. You,re now making new ones.
    Hugs from Australia.

  17. Lovely post and yes we do need to “stand and stare” and appreciate our surroundings. We live next to the Pulborough Brooks and it is an inland sea! We’ve had so much rain here and the earth is sodden. Last year we had a landslide blocking the A29! I lost my Dad aged 74, 24 years ago he was determined to see in the Millennium and finally lost his fight on the 4th January 2000. Miss him but happy memories. My Mum also died aged 74, 22 years ago and I’m going to be 74 this year and it makes me think I’ve got so much more I want to do and wonder now, how they must have thought or maybe being in your seventies twenty plus years ago, it’s the norm.

  18. Reading your blog, Barbara, and then the comments we all agree we never forget our loved ones and after time it does get easier and then we remember the happy times and the laughs we had. I lost both my parents long before Covid and I am happy that they didn’t have to cope with that.

  19. Hello Barb, thank you for sharing this blog post with us. Yes it is hard to lose a loved one, especially at this time of the year, and I too have experience that. It is not any easier at any other time either. Love the memories you share with us, and the photos, so precious. Take care everyone. Bx

  20. Getting out and about in the fresh air and memories are a great healer. I lost both wonderful Dad’s (my Dad and my Dad in law) in my life a few years ago and every time I dust my sideboard their smiling faces look at me with the happy memories, the photo of my Father in law holding up a long stocking that I had filled with Christmas goodies, the photo of my Dad wearing my hat at a cousins wedding etc I was very lucky. My Father in law always used to say “It is looking right black over our Wills Mother’s” when the sky turned black which always confused me as our is a Lancashire/ Merseyside term for brother/sister/daughter/son. Sending hugs to every one who has gone through the loss of a loved one and hoping the sadness gets replaced by the many happy memories you have share together, it is their way of giving you a hug back .

  21. Amazed to see you and Dave were in my neck of the woods and yes we are really blessed with the lovely countryside, coast, towns & villages around here. Everyone says time is a great healer but it doesn’t heal anything just enables you to cope better with loss & remember the good times but as you say you have to give time, time. Thinking of everyone who has lost someone dear to their hearts whether that be recently or many years ago. Xxxx

  22. Thank you a your post today. It’s gives me hope that things will get easier. It’s only been 4 months since losing my husband, so things are still a bit raw, but I’ll take strength from your words of wisdom and try to redirect my mind from the bad bits at the end and remember the many many good bits. Thinking of you and all the lovely members of the Clarity community who have suffered loss. Enjoy today as tomorrow isn’t a guarantee as they say xx

  23. I live in Lydd, after many years in a place that wasn’t a home we moved to Lydd year before last. My Mum then was diagnosed with Cancer and as she’s in Essex I was back and fourth. Then my brother was in a serious accident. He rides a motorbike and a guy pulled out, my brother flew about 30ft breaking his scapula and Humoros. He was in Royal London for 2 weeks and I again was back and forth. My Mum last December had a Hip replacement and I was helping a friend whose dad is very ill. My brother also moved from Essex to Newark which involved many trips. So I’m hoping this year I can finally relax, enjoy my house and area I now live and craft! My sympathies for your losses, I firmly believe in the phrase ‘When Robins appear, Loved ones are near’ take care all x Paula

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