Slow Down – You move too fast..

Slow Down – You move too fast..

Hi there

Thanks for popping in. It’s been another paperwork day. There’s so much to do when your Dad dies. And our Dad had so many irons in the fire! It’s like a jigsaw puzzle crossed with a minefield actually. The blimming insurance companies / pension companies change their names or sell out to other companies quite often over 40 years – and we have to figure out which policies are which. Fortunately, our lovely Pete at work is helping – and what an immense help he is. Came over to the house early this morning, and we just started nudging the processes along to the next stage. One does have to wonder how elderly people who lose their partners manage to navigate their way through this deluge of quite complex and very confusing bureaucracy. I’d struggle without Pete for sure; it would certainly take a lot longer! And Mum doesn’t even own a Mobile phone let alone a computer!

But we will get there. You just have to have a little stickatitability! (And a Pete…)

One thing is also becoming abundantly obvious: I cannot move too fast. I get all spacey and short of breath. Ah well. That’ll be the body telling me to slow down I guess. Best listen. Last time I ignored it, things didn’t go too well! I had optimistically suggested to Paul that I might be able to do my Sunday TV Show on 5th March. Both Pete and Dave shook their heads today, and said that would perhaps be a little premature. So perhaps mid month? We shall see.

Anyway, speaking of slowing down, look out for our new SLOW DOWN BOOK BOXES. They are so cool. I think they are actually on that Sunday TV show for the first time. A perfect way to store kits and projects that have lots of bits n parts. I’m sure Paul will be able to do a great job of the stamp and mixed media shows in my absence. He’s actually doing the Mixed media shows this Friday at 9am and 1pm. That takes guts. But he’s not just a pretty face!! I look forward to seeing his take on things x

Quote for today?

Slow Down – You move too fast

Simon & Garfunkel – Feelin’ Groovy

You see, I would so love to do some pottery, but it’s absolutely out of the question. Way too cold in the garage! But it’ll all still be waiting for me when I’m back in the saddle. And clay keeps. One day at a time, one thing at a time…

Love always,

Barb x x x

43 thoughts on “Slow Down – You move too fast..

  1. Thanks goodness for a Pete! It’s awful, isn’t it, how much bureaucracy you have to deal with, just when you’re at your lowest having lost someone dear.

    I’m intrigued by the mention of the “Slow Down Book Boxes” – look forward to learning more!

  2. Hello Barbara
    Totally with you on the breathing malarkey. I feel I have turned into a snail, lol.
    Don’t even think of coming up to Oundle a week on Sunday, time spent being careful now will pay dividends in the long run. You certainly don’t want a set-back and end up back in hospital!
    Listen to Dave, more than anyone else who sees you regularly, he has your best interests at heart. he also fully understands the pressure of the business etc.

  3. Don’t play that song to Jilly. She just might explode. To answer your question as to how an elderly person deals with their partner’s paperwork. They end up going demented, very cross dealing with total idiots who cannot understand plain English. I think it took me something like 18 months. That was ten years ago and one idiot actually rang me last week asking to speak to him. I think they were shocked at my response. It was the crafting community (mainly Clarity)that kept me above water.
    I reckon you need to give it till the end of April before you try that level of work. It will be worth it in the end. xxx Maggie Craner (Silvercrafter)

  4. Hi Barb, there certainly is a lot of paperwork, I’ve done it 3 times now for in laws and my dad, including selling a house. Sometimes I wonder how it all happened but it did. Made me think we need to simplify our stuff but have we ?

    I’m suffering at moment with just a cold and it’s made me sit down today. Not had one for ages – even did a covid test but negative so that’s good as so far I’ve avoided it.

    Definitely leave it a bit longer before you get back on the horse. You have a great team behind you and they want you back for good! Xx

  5. Barbara take care of yourself!!!
    when I got pneunomia I cann’t remember a lot of the first 3 months and it took me almost a year before I could do my work for the whole day.
    All that paperwork is a lot to do and it will take a lot of time.
    Perhaps instead of your pottery making some doodling or some stamping for relaxing.
    Take care and stay save!

  6. It’s tough Barbara and the admin goes on and on. Accept all the help you can get. Great you are thinking about your pottery and getting back to the tv shows, but hey, you have been through the mill….slow down, you move too fast. I haven’t created any art work recently, not able, but so glad of the company I find in Clarity. Keep safeXx

  7. Don’t want to stress you but I know how difficult it can be, it took years and years to sort out my Mum’s estate but that was because it got piggybacked onto her Dad’s as they died close together and there was a business involved. Dad’s was simpler, thankfully he had been determined not to put us through the same problems again, so he and my brother had sorted as much as they could in advance, but we had the complication of going into the first lockdown, so everyone was reinventing how they did things! At least that won’t happen now.

  8. It must be so hard for you Barbara to sit back and let go when your mind is raring to go but your flesh is weak. Listen to those that love you including us Shackers and put what energies you have into healing your body and that means rest ❤️

    I must say when I read your blog it made me smile – I had a vision of ‘Two little dickie birds sitting on a wall’ (I hope it’s made you smile too)

  9. It is a good motto to listen to your body. I had pneumonia many years ago and in hospital for 2 weeks. I was off work for 7 weeks and then transitioned back. As much as you want to push it and speed up your recovery, your body tells you it needs time to heal. The fatigue also tells you to listen. Take the time you need, although easier said than done, but it will help in the long run.

  10. Oh, I know exactly what you’re going through right now, with all the paperwork , bureaucracy and all. Been there, done that. A real headache! The worst for us was that my Dad was a real hoarder! At one stage my Mum told us to just throw it all out. Easier said than done as you never know there might be something important among all those things. Good you have Pete! As for wanting to do your show next Sunday, I do understand you but glad you listened to Dave and Pete. It would be too early. Please keep taking it easy and take your time to fully recover!
    Sending hugs and lots of Love. Alles Liebe❤

  11. Thank goodness you have some help. I don’t think anyone realises how much is involved until they are faced with dealing with it. There are some sites on the web such as government pension site or the Association of British Insurers which may be of help, they have some good tips of where to start if nothing else. No doubt this experience will ensure you document some information on yourself, although when you’ve finished you really won’t be in the mood.
    I confess I too tutted when I saw the listing of shows and presenters detailed in my clarity club letter and said to my hubby that I didn’t think you’d make them for a while. It’s good to set goals, but the posts often need shifting. Tackle it bit by bit, you will get there.

  12. Barb, listen to your body, it knows you have to take it easy for the time being.
    I had to sort out my dad’s estate when he died, my mum was numb with shock and also didn’t have a mobile phone or computer so it fell to me and I found it a very frustrating exercise. The worst was a company, who having been informed of his passing, phoned and insisted on speaking to the shareholder. I’m normally a timid and non-confrontational person but I snapped and snarled at them “Well, I hope you’ve got a Ouija board as he’s been dead six weeks, as you were informed” then promptly burst into tears.
    There was a stunned silence on the other end, before I was transferred to a different and more sympathetic person.

  13. Barbara, I know exactly how you feel. 6 months on since my father died and I am still dealing with all the paperwork. Not helped by spending hours on the phone trying to get answers from these institutions, then filling in forms, sending information requested, filling in more forms, etc. Its as if they do everything to make life difficult. I am glad you have Pete. Please take it easy, we don’t want you to rush back to work too soon. Make sure you are really ready before you take up the reigns again.

  14. I too dealt with my father’s paperwork and I thought it was going to be so easy as he was very organised. But it still took a while and in the end I had to hand it over to a solicitor who started all over again. But you will get there and it did keep my mind occupied. I wasn’t crafting then but was running a business – running a Kindergarten with lots of children under 4.
    Lovely to have a Pete.

  15. Much as we would love to see you back on tv it’s much better to wait until you’re fully recovered rather than set yourself back by doing things too soon. Just take care xx

  16. This is a difficult time for you, lots to sort out, so it is good you have Pete to help you. One step at a time will get it all done.
    Although pottery is on the back burner for the time being there are lots of things you have to keep your creative brain active when your body says REST. It is going to take time so SLOW DOWN. There is no way you should be thinking about doing tv shows at least until mid April or after the garden party in May at which time hopefully you should be fighting fit.
    Received my club package today, great as usual.
    Look after yourself and let Dave pamper you.

  17. This is a difficult time for you, lots to sort out, so it is good you have Pete to help you. One step at a time will get it all done.
    Although pottery is on the back burner for the time being there are lots of things you have to keep your creative brain active when your body says REST. It is going to take time so SLOW DOWN. There is no way you should be thinking about doing tv shows at least until mid April or after the garden party in May at which time hopefully you should be fighting fit.
    Received my club package today, great as usual.
    Look after yourself and let Dave pamper you.

  18. Glad you have Pete to guide through the minefield of what needs to be done re pensions & insurance. I wouldn’t know where to start & having spoken to people recently who have suddenly found themselves on their own I feel I need to take more interest in everything household related. Not that I anticipate having to do anything soon but you just never know what is round the corner.
    I have just read your latest newsletter & agree its good to have things pencilled in the diary but we have to be prepared to move them if the time isn’t quite right. Take it steady & you will get there – remember 3rd May is your main goal as only you can do that one !!
    Just watching The Piano with Claudia Winkleman on channel 4. members of the public playing pianos on Railway stations with the chance of playing at the London Festival Hall. Well worth a watch if you haven’t already x

  19. Intrigued by the slowdown bookboxes. Have to watch that.
    Glad you have a Pete to help you, we should all have one, just in case.
    Please slow down and take care of yourself. You are your own no. 1 at the moment. love and hugs.

  20. One day at a time – that’s how you do it! It can feel completely overwhelming, can’t it? Just remember that you are still recovering, there’s no magic button just because you’re out of hospital. You have to model the tortoise, not the hare! xxx

  21. Glad you have Pete to help with all the paperwork. I know what it’s like having sorted through my Dad’s and also his sister’s who must have kept every receipt she’d ever been given but as someone else said you have to go through it all. As for returning to work at least wait until you’ve finished the course of antibiotics you were given and then see how you feel. I’m intrigued to see the boxes that Paul will be showcasing.! Love and hugsx

  22. Hi Barbara
    I can sympathise with you. Two weeks ago I received a letter from DWP re Mums attendance allowance , this is 8 months after she passed not only that but they couldn’t even get her sex right calling her Mr. I was very upset and have since received a letter of apology. So I will be thinking of you and sending positive vibes.
    I agree with everyone else March is way too early to be looking at getting back in the saddle, be kind to yourself we get to talk to you every day on the blog and I for one are happy with that.
    Love Ruth and Jackie xx

  23. Totally understand the problems after the passing of a loved one. When I phoned about Mum’s funeral insurance policy they actually asked to speak with her! Everyone clearly needs a Pete as well as a Dave! Take it easy and move those goals if necessary – you must be well for the garden party! Take care xxx

  24. My 96 year old friend passed away 2 years ago. She had no family and I was her executor. She was a dear soul but admin wasn’t her strong point. Her idea of filing was put it in a plastic wallet and put it in the dining room – the ‘glory hole’ as she called it. It didn’t matter if the label on the wallet corresponded in any way to it’s contents. You mentioned the other day about keeping paper. Her philosophy was definitely keep it in case I might need to find it. How she ever would have I don’t know. The paper trail would have gone much further back if I hadn’t burnt out my new shredder helping her do some clearing about fifteen years ago. Remember. I mentioned that the other day?I was literally knee deep in paperwork for I can’t even remember how long, so I understand completely what you’re going through. I also know how exhausting it is. And I wasn’t dealing with the aftermath of emphyma. Have courage. You will get there. But slowly please. And don’t even think about going back to work for ages yet, however much you want to. Please!! xx

  25. Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare? You’ll get back in the saddle Barb but don’t attempt the Grand National just yet! My husband is super organised but sadly his late dad wasn’t – it took John a good 6 months or more to sort all the paperwork and longer still for probate and he was fit and well. We now have a spreadsheet that is updated every month with all our financial details etc and shred a year’s paperwork every new year!

  26. We are trying to make life easier for our kids as having gone through the process of our parents, it’s a learning curve! It will all get sorted eventually so don’t stress.
    Love the pottery tiles and yes it’s all there in the garage waiting until you are fully fit.

  27. My Husband and myself had to do this as far ago as the 1990’s for my Father in Law and when I phoned the bank they kept me on hold with the tune playing that had the words Thou oh death has won attached to it. I was very upset.

  28. So pleased you’re listening to your body. It’s easy to think you’re stronger than you really are when you just home based. You’ll get there, but taking things slow is defiantly the way to go.
    Well done Pete for helping you wade through the paperwork. It all takes such an age.
    Looking forward to seeing Paul on tv . Love the mixed media shows.
    Take care yourself xx ❤️

  29. Hello Barb, paperwork is the bane of my life, you are so lucky to have a Pete, he doesn’t have a clone does he? Please take it easy, and as you say Pottery will be there when you are fit and well. Love the quote/lyrics an all time favourite song. I am sure Paul will as always be creative and inspiring, although knowing Paul, Mixed Media, mucky hands? Just kidding Paul loves crafting. Take care and stay safe everyone. Bx

  30. Everybody needs a Pete! Love it!
    Random fact… when I was a youngster, I won a Sony Walkman on a Radio One competition where you had to name that tune. The answer was “The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feeling Groovy)” I have loved the tune ever since!!
    This was before mobile phones, Google etc, so I couldn’t cheat 🤣

  31. Know exactly how you feel trying to do all this and deciding what to keep and what to ditch. My late Mother received a £20,000 cheque from one of the many insurance companies my late Father dealt with 10 years after he’d died as they had miscalculated at the time. So you never know. Thank goodness you are able to get some help with it all – it does make you stop and think about your own affairs though doesn’t it. Just take it slowly and gently xxx

  32. Going through another’s lifetime of paperwork is a nightmare, you have questions and no one to answer them for you. Colin had an old work pension from the early eighties. No one could trace it and we had to assume he had cashed it in after leaving the job. Good luck, you will get there in the end. Xxx

  33. Good luck with the paperwork etc. Anyone would think these companies don’t want you to have what is rightfully yours! Glad you have Pete to help. Please don’t even think of coming up to Peterborough yet. I know it must be hard for you when your mind says yes but your body says no. Listen to your body when it says yes, take a little extra time to make sure. After all you have to be 100% for the garden party! xx

  34. Barbara I know what a nightmare paperwork is.
    My x- Mother- in- law passed away in early December.
    I have been ploughing through her filling system which was in carrier bags still in envelopes. Every thing had to be opened and read before I could start.
    I have just finished sorting and filling.
    Probate applied for that takes weeks and weeks to come back.
    So just take baby steps and listen to your body and Dave, Paul and us shakers and your wonderful team, glad you have a Pete it will definitely help.
    Regards Christine xxx

  35. We had so much red tape when Pete’s sister died. She had been a ward of court for many years since Gran and Granddad could no longer care for her increasing needs. It took us about 18 months to get it all sorted out.

    It will take as long as it takes Barbara and it is time to be still for a while, enjoy the emerging spring season, watch the birds and see the buds appearing on the trees.

    Meanwhile, I have been brushing off the rust on my driving skills and am determined to get us mobile again! We managed a bit of light grocery shopping today (heavy stuff being delivered). I got a new lightweight, folding power chair and I am looking into fitting a hoist into the car to help with getting it in and out. I treated myself to some new posh crutches too, so mobility is top of my priorities at the moment!

  36. Never easy to sort through a loved one’s paperwork, even if it’s well organised. But, Barb, it’s always good to have friends like Pete around to help and hopefully make it easier for you.
    I, too, love a bit of Simon and Garfunkel – and this lyric and sentiment is magic and so appropriate for you at the moment (and the rest of us!) Maybe the title should be “Feeling Groovi”?
    Make sure you make “the morning last” – all day if necessary!
    Take care, slow down and travel gently.
    (Really looking forward to Paul getting “inky” on tomorrow’s shows! 😊)

  37. Life gets very hard sometimes and it’s great to have people around to give you a helping hand. It’s not always easy to ask for it though. You are blessed to have such people around you. I’m sure you would be there for others too.
    Tomorrow is another day, take it easy, give yourself time.
    God Bless

  38. You definitely need longer before you try any TV shows. Apart from any other issues your immunity will also be quite low, might pick up something else.
    I was quite fortunate when my dad passed away as my older brother took charge of all the paperwork. Delegated jobs to me occasionally. We had to deal with Fred’s mum’s though and I remember that was a difficult task. Keep trying to update all our records so that our kids don’t have a problem one of these days. X X

  39. Hi Barbara. So glad you are obviously on the right road to recovery but yes….Slow down you move too fast….is a good mantra to follow. Even if you are fit and healthy and just living your life there is no harm in taking a break every once in a while and having a good look at the view around you.
    Have been out of the loop for a few days and only just caught up with your blogs so just want to say a huge congrats for being chosen to attend a garden party at Buckingham Palace. Such an honour and so well deserved. Lovely excuse to spoil your self with a new outfit and hat…and Dave as well of course. No doubt you will be advised by the Palace as to dress code but still…….all those lovely Spring fashions to choose from. XXX

  40. Slow Down Book Boxes? I’m intrigued.

    Have done probate 4 times now. I love a spread sheet and puzzles! I did find the probate help line really useful but of course you have to have done all the prep beforehand. My husband and I had been hands on with each persons financial / tax dealings and, having Power of Attorney, some time before death meant everything was in reasonable order. Having said that I am dreadful at hanging onto my own paperwork from years back. I go round and round in circles as to what to keep “just in case”. Madness. I don’t find clearing out stuff at all cathartic.

    That’s very strange todays choice of quote: I’ve been listening to Simon and Garfunkel recently, especially Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water. I know you know to listen to those by your side who know best when they say “too soon”.

    Lucky you to have on hand a Dave as well as a Pete and Paul (is there a Mary?).

    Wishing you a continued steady recovery.


  41. I know what you mean about the elderly people not being able to sort through the paperwork after a death. Last year we lost my uncle and my aunt is partially sighted and has no children and no understanding of how things work. Just trying to get through to people on the phone involved speaking initially to a recorded voice and choosing number options for what your request is about. My aunt always tries to explain (very nicely) to the recorded voice that she is elderly and not sure which option she wants. On top of that my uncle God bless him kept everything and I had 2 suitcases of papers to work through to be able to find the insurance policies for my aunt. I could have done with a Pete at the time.

  42. Glad to see you are at last listening to that body of yours
    TV. This weekend. Nooooo
    Far to early !!!!
    Sit with the cats and read a book or sketch some of your amazing art work .
    Time is a great healer if you let it be ❤️❤️

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