Quiet time, down time.

Quiet time, down time.

Hi there,

Thanks for popping in. After a busy morning at work, it was down time this afternoon, colouring time, prep time for tomorrow morning’s SHAC. I have enjoyed this one. You know you are enjoying it when you want to do it again, but differently.

So tomorrow we tackle the frame. I kept it very simple and colourful. The picture is so busy, I thought it best to go vanilla on the outside! Well, colourful vanilla.

I can’t be a perfectionist. I have to go with the process. If I get hooked up in the net of “not perfect” , then that old git Notgoodinuff and his side kick Itscrap will take over – and the game is lost.

I can’t worry about judges either. There are no judges in the SHAC-Shack. We decided that a long time ago, and it is very important. For you, for me, for all of us. Let me speak frankly. My lifelong insecurity was always yearning for approval. And when it came it felt great. And when it didn’t I was bereft. So my happiness and sense of worth hinged on external validation, on other peoples’ opinions of me and what I made or did. Even if I thought it was ok, I couldn’t rest easy until I got a pat on the back from somebody else.

At the ripe old age of 61, I am finally learning to do things for myself and not for approval, but because I think it would be cool.

I have let go, and it feels right. Finally, I am not at the mercy of others. Do you get me?

Stay safe,

Love always

Barb xxx

29 thoughts on “Quiet time, down time.

  1. Great border – love the colours ! I agree, do it for ourselves and as long as we love it that’s fine. I’ve learnt a lot with my drawing and how to do it different next time and not to worry when it doesn’t work first time. It’s good to see what others do too and get the inspiration. There’s so much talent out there ! X

  2. I get you! The one you have to please and, ultimately, with whom you have to live is the one looking back from the wall! thanks to you persistence in the SHAC Shack, we are all learning to accept what we do. Sleep well, Barb, and we’ll see you in the morning. Hxx

  3. What an apt blog ! I struggled in earlier life with wanting approval let along love. Getting there slowly but a twisting road. You are doing a great job helping me and the lovely people in Clarity worldwide xx

  4. I don’t think there are 2 villages alike that I’ve seen so far -and none exactly the same as Barb’s either, so we have all come so far and now have the confidence to do our own thing AND show the results! That’s all thanks to Barbara giving us the confidence to try out our ideas and be proud of them. Although I didn’t do this village, I’ve been doing the ones we learned for bookmarks and loving them. So thank you Barbara for giving us all the confidence to be ourselves and guiding us with your ideas and your own lovely work.

  5. Hi Barb,
    I know exactly what you mean. I have always been compared to my sister who is almost 3 years older than me. When I began grammar school the teachers would say,‘I hope you’re as good as Gillian’ occasionally I would get ,” I hope you’re better than Gillian!” ( that was in Science! When I went for my interview for pe college I was rejected because my sister was there! In my final assessments in my 3rd year our external examiner was the head of pe at that college and I was asked to stay behind because she wanted to talk to me. I thought it was going to be about my assessment but no, it was to see how Gill was doing and then finally she said that they couldn’t accept me at their college because it wouldn’t have been fair to constantly compare me to Gill! I was fuming and replied that I had always been compared to Gill and had managed very well to forge my own path! I was rejected from a college in London because my accent was too strong and the pupils wouldn’t be able to understand me. They said I would have to have elocution lessons first – the answer was no! I think you have finally come to the right conclusion and you will be happier for it. The SHAC village picture looks lovely, one of these days I will get started again – good job they are all on You Tube! Love and hugs,Alison xx

    1. Hi Barbara
      I agree with you totally I always thought I was not good enough until the person in my life now said to me you have to learn to love yourself first and 31 years together last week proved her right.
      Always do what makes you happy 😃

  6. Fully understand but it’s a life long struggle.
    In my case more along the family’s wish for me to achieve more then more then more. Comes a time when you have to stop the bus get off smell the roses and get out the colouring pencil. The world goes on.
    Lots of love.

  7. I think we all strive through life to be recognised for some sort of achievement. Now having got the ripe old age of 76 – I no longer care. I have done my best and I am relatively happy (well as happy as a widow can be without her soulmate).
    I now know my limitations. Yes it is nice to be praised for achieving something, but I now know appreciation of the inner person is far more important.

  8. You’ve got there Barb all by yourself, be proud. Well done. We always thought you were brilliant and that you are.xxx

  9. Hello Barb. I know where you are coming from, and it is hard to let go, but good for you. Love your colorful border, looks fab around the picture, and that is what we need right now, bright and cheerful. Take care and stay safe everyone. Bx

  10. I am still a work in progress, at the age of 70! Makes me feel better though, knowing I am not alone. Hugs. Annette X

  11. I so get you! We are all our own worst critics. Finally I am learning that to be kind to myself is as important as being kind to others. And kind people and my kind of people! Good enough is just what it says on the tin x

  12. Oh Barbara I certainly get you! You could have been describing me, I am getting better but I still have this need to be praised for something I’ve done and I’m 71 how many emotions wasted on what other people think. Thanks for putting your time and effort into the shac I enjoy every moment even if I am way behind xxx

  13. I think we all tend to want to please others and get their approval,we can’t all be good at everything so we must just embrace what we have and can. My mother always said to us be who you are not what others want you to be. Thank you Barbara for your company in the shac for giving us all the confidence to show what we can achive.

  14. ‘Perfect’ not to be perfect that’s what I love most about getting older I certainly no longer get beaten up about what others think anymore. Can’t wait for 10am today have a stack of houses to frame. Love and hugs xx

  15. So glad you enjoy your “art for arts sake” now.
    I think we all suffer this feeling of inadequacy from time to time. Waiting to be found out to be not good enough.
    Well no need to worry you are amazing and an inspiration to all us Shakers.
    Stay safe and keep crafting.
    Linda xx

  16. I understand where you are coming from. I have always lacked confidence in many things, drawing and painting/colouring being one of them but thanks to your knowledge and patience and your steadying hand, that has kept us all in a safe place, during this worrying time I have found that I can draw and I can colour. Thank you so much.

  17. I understand totally.
    You have given so much of yourself to so many you deserve more than a pat on the back. A medal of honour would be more appropriate.
    My mother always put me down, told me I was useless, scorned everything I tried to do or say. Denied university because she said I would get married, have kids and waste it all. Dad said to me that a good education was essential to be able to help my children if I had any, support myself if I was left alone, and in any case to get a good job.
    This useless article went to evening classes, got a job in a bank, left ‘home’ and started to be my own person. Still had that insecure feeling but was determined to survive. However it was several years before my confidence started to solidify.
    I married but sadly never had any children. When my husband died the domineering resurfaced but by then I was not prepared to give in.
    Very often I would have nightmares about her right up to my mid 50’s but when she died they stopped. My sister who is 7 years younger was given every opportunity to thrive. She beleived all the negative things she was told about me, all untrue, and our relationship has never been good.
    Despite all this I am happy and contented now doing what I love and I really do not care what other people think of me especially people who don’t bother to really know me. I have a lovely caring second husband who understands me and shares my interests. He lets me be me.
    So all in all, despite the pandemic, life is good now.
    Take care of yourself Barbara, we love you.

  18. At 61 also I, too often, go down the “it’scrap” road and “binit” but you are teaching me not to be so judgemental of my work. It’s hard and doesn’t come easy. Being told you are at failure at 18 doesn’t help! So I can empathise. But, Barbara, your work IS AMAZING. Thank you so much for all you do for ALL of us. You take care of yourself and enjoy the kittens – they aren’t judgemental, just bundles of unconditional love x

  19. I think anyone who doesn’t get it is a bit odd. I so blooming get it it’s untrue! Lol, good for you and huge congrats. Love this picture, and wonderful use of colour, so bright and cheery xx

  20. Well said. After this year and 6 months at home I don’t care anymore. We are all good and do our best. Look at all these houses we have done, no two the same. That’s down to you. Thank you for you’re time and patience. You have got me and others through these months. Thank you. Xx🙂🥰🤗

  21. At 63 I finally get that it doesn’t matter if others don’t like my work or even how I look. I still get excited by approval or compliments and appreciate them but I am happy myself with what I do and how I am as long as nothing I do upsets or offends anyone. Love your artwork today! Take care and stay safe xxx

  22. Hi Barbara I love this little town and the border you have created. I am sad that I haven’t been able to join in much for the last couple of week. I am pleased that I have been able to work and be useful. I have struggled with insecurity for a long time. Both of my parents put me down nothing was ever good enough. It was very different with my younger sister. I do have a lovely hubby and a gorgeous daughter. They have helped me to feel much better about myself. I now do things more for me now. It is a much better place to be. Take care and stay safe. Hugs xxx

  23. I started to write words of wisdom or so I thought but actually I understand what you mean Barbara .I have often worn that T shirt also.Take care and just be you it’s Beautiful in so many ways.

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